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May
3, 2004
Tired Monday. i woke up at about 3:30 a.m. and then
tossed and turned my way to 6:00 a.m. Whereupon i
found it necessary to keep hitting the snooze button until
i was close to making a decision - hit it again and call
in sick, or get my butt out of bed. i got out of
bed. Blech.
Work carries on in its tempestuous way. It seems
that our little team will be losing at least one member in
the future - and so i worry when it might be my
turn. i know i can get another job ... and maybe
even one back in the city (yay!) but it's still a
stressful process that i'm not really interested in doing
right now.
While all this is happening, i'm still being kept very
busy, and today was told that i'm needed at an
"event" this week. Problem is, not only is
the event a "business elegant attire" shindig,
but it's a charity event for abused children. my
knee-jerk reaction to all of this was to be pleased that
they thought me worthy of representing the company at
something so important.
Then the memories of having been one of those kids all
came flooding back in. i've been a weird state ever
since.
i honestly don't know if i can go to this without becoming
emotional. i know for sure i dare not have even one
drop of wine - i weep at the drop of a dime on regular
days, wine increases the effect. i don't know if i
can (or want to) listen to any statistics or hear any
testimonials without totally falling apart. Or feel
my heart bleed even harder for the fact that in this
so-called enlightened age, child abuse
continues.
i'll be sitting at a table with co-workers who don't know
what it's like. my boss knows a bit of my past -
very little, as some topics in the workplace just don't
make a good fit. But what little she does know, she
says she can't even imagine happening, in spite of the
fact that she understands that it does.
i hope after all these years, i can find the strength to
do this. It's for the right
reasons.
 
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--Salvador Dali
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