January 12, 2002

       Okay, so i'm not starting the new year with a bang - with a gazillion entries.  i guess the writing part of my brain decided enough was enough or something, since virtually nothing has gotten me here and updating as i should be.

      Himself pointed out this morning that the reason he's been grumpy lately is because we haven't been having enough sex (in spite of the new year's early morning vow.)  The evil-twin-side of me retorted that he could initiate it a bit more often - to which we both ended up laughing as we acknowledged that neither one of us are much good for anything these days.  Once we drag our sorry butts home from a long and exhausting day "out there", and have our dinner - we are lucky to keep our eyelids open for more than a half hour.  We are quickly demonstrating what "sawing logs" really means in the sleep world.  

     Hence the other reason i haven't been updating.

     Hopefully the insanity will stop soon and we'll actually have some quality time together.  And i'll learn how to stop waking up in the middle of the night (which only makes me even more tired but was kind of handy the other night when i started playing with a certain body part of his!)  And we'll get some D/s back!  For the last week its been nothing more than wearing the cuff to bed.  Well, and me still serving his tea and not wearing underwear and such - but honestly - i can see how easily the D/s gets lost.  When there's no time for each other, it's easy to get the 'why bother' attitude.  

     For example, right now not wearing underwear and still wearing dresses to work, in the cold weather, is really a good reason to start again.  But he's asleep in the mornings and i'm reluctant to wake him up, and by the time the night time rolls around i'm too tired to remember to ask if i can wear them.  So it becomes a choice of sticking to the rules or just putting the undies on and getting on with my day.  

      Work has been really hectic lately.  And i knew it would get this way once the temp girl was gone.  Also, the holiday season is over and the VP's are back in full swing - cracking their psychological whips along the way.  By Wednesday of this week, i finally did my own style of cracking - i had a weeping session in the car on the way home.  Himself had graciously offered to pick me up from work and after a lot of confusion about where exactly He was parked and having to wait on me for 20 minutes, He was a tad annoyed.  Combine that with the DAY FROM HELL and i just broke down.

      He took me for sushi and ordered all my favourite things.  my tummy was very happy - even if it is all going straight to my hips these days.

      Speaking of which - in the other body parts department - i finally broke down and bought two bras yesterday.  The ones i have been wearing were starting to look pretty pathetic - embarrassingly so - and were about 3 or 4 years old anyway.  And La Senza was having a sale. 

      i now have the perkiest titties of any 40 something year old i know.  Lift and separate those babies!  The girls look good!  i did have one horrifying discovery however, and judging by Himself's reaction, i wasn't too far off the mark of how i felt about said discovery.

     i put the first bra on (beige and smooth number, molded cups, underwire, - the pic below of the white bra - and no that's not me.. sheesh i wish!) and went to show Himself.

     He looks over and says something like oh my, that's a lot of bra.  i say well, yeah and look at the little tag for the size!  

      36

      D

      Huh?  How did THAT happen?  What happened to the 98 pound kid who started high school in padded bras that held nothing but dead air!  

      He gets a big satisfied smile on his face.  He likes the idea.  i'm still mortified 'cause it has to mean that if the girls are fitting this thing, then the rest of my body is struggling to be fuller as well.  Which of course it is.

      Now if i could just figure out how to keep the girls and put them back on that 98 lb frame i used to have.  Nah, not really.  i admit i don't mind having some curves.

      The second bra is the black one in the picture and they only had a c cup in that style.  So i just squished the girls in anyway, and figured i could wear the bra under fet type clothes, since i don't wear things like that very often.  

     So i spent a bunch of time cruising bondage equipment sites again today.  i think i really just need to get over my fear of topping from the bottom and tell the Big Guy that i can't stand it anymore - i really, really, really want to try some things that i find extremely erotic.  

     Well and some things that maybe aren't so erotic but are more mind twisting.  Like finally being chained to a chair and made to eat on the floor. (out of a dish - not the bare floor) And things like being bound and gagged and left to sit here while He works on His comp.  (Hah!  as if His comp really works these days.)

     Things i found in my search - non piercing nipple rings that actually can be used as naval rings or labia - very pretty, very cool.  (click on image for slightly larger view)

      A Thai Tit Stick - which attaches to both breasts - very interesting!  Hard to see in this little picture though.

There's also nipple pumps that make your nipples stick out more (mine don't stick out much) and include rings that go around the nipple to keep them that way.  Now this! i want to try.  i also still want to try out clit jewelry, of which there were many pictures of.

     Then i moved on to chastity belts.  There were a whole bunch of them and apparently they are built to accomodate butt plugs and dildos.  And the objectification and totality of being dominated this way really interested me.  A lot.  Course there was one that was particularly pretty (at least to me) and i'd love to wear under my clothes at work.  i'd like to feel that headspace i think.

     Another thing that was interesting (okay it's confirmed in this post for sure that my mind set is definitely kinky!) was the following which is a bondage belt that they called a pussy spreader belt.  

  Now this would be neat!  i'm still trying to figure out just how well it would work though, if you are just wearing it under clothes - not just using it during the errr.. act.  

     Anyway - i'm not sure where all this is coming from.  Maybe it's the appearance of the girls in their new bra.  Maybe it's a realization that 50 just isn't that far away anymore and i want to experience EVERYTHING.  Before i'm too old to.  Or before i think i am anyway.

     i suddenly find myself craving weird things - like being made to sit without a top on in front of another kink friendly couple.  i doubt i'll ever get to the point of being psychologically able to sit butt naked - i have too many issues with my stomach.  But there's parts of my mind that are twisting around to the idea of more objectification of me on His part.  It's also an area we haven't explored very much of and would be an interesting foray into our D/s life i think.  It would also involve equal 'work' from both of us, which is a good thing.

     So.  Now i've expressed a few things anyway and i know Himself will be reading this - so maybe we'll discuss it and see what happens.

     And no Sir!  i am not trying to top :)

                 

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