February 23, 2002

         So another week has managed to slip by without any physical D/s stuff.   Both His theatre work and my work has kept us both literally running every day.  We did manage to get to a munch this week, although we didn't stay long  as the cigarette smoke made Himself's chest feel like a ton of weight was constricting it.  That always worries me.  We also had dinner with some friends - well at least i did - Himself had to run over to the theatre and calm some ruffled feathers.

     So here it is Saturday already.  i put on a see through top this morning, just to make myself feel a bit risqué.  i woke up remembering how once before He's told me He wanted me to expose myself more often, and i admit to being more than a bit lax in that.  In truth, i suppose if i go around in jeans ignoring what it is He wants to see, then i'm my own worse enemy.

     i also woke up dreaming i was tied to the coffee table.  my first morning thoughts progressed from that to imagining exactly what it would be like.  To  really tie myself to the coffee table - nothing more on than a waist cincher (the dreaded stomach prevails!) - my legs spread wide and His dinner balanced precariously on my stomach.  And dessert (the proverbial banana) stuck between my legs.

     Maybe a large board across my stomach so there would be a level surface to put the dishes on would work better.  

     i went from there to another, later date, where i would be serving His dinner and in my mind i wasn't eating, but He'd conceded to owning one of those remote control clit stimulating thingy's and was using it randomly at will.  

     Obviously my mind is in erotic mode these days.  Now if we could just find the time to indulge that!  And it explains my sudden need to wear see through shirts.  i wish i were more aggressive sometimes.  After last Saturday's blatant topping from the bottom, which is just not comfortable for me - i've gone back to 'waiting' mode.  And it drives me crazy.  i wish i could be more like j, who when feeling the urge, just calmly (or not calmly i suppose, if her sense of urgency is anything like mine) hands her Master a cane.  He gets the message, she bends over.  But then, when He gets the urge at other times, she's instructed to go get the play room ready and lay out the toys.  i'm not allowed near our toy bag.  So maybe that's why she feels freer to just grab a cane once in awhile.

     Heh.  i just reread and it sounds like i'm complaining.  i hate when that happens, when i'm not complaining at all, but just trying to express things.  And another thought that i had while pondering my above words is that i haven't followed up on what He's already given me permission to do, and that is to buy these:

     i'm just not sure where to look except for the internet - which would work hugely for me if i can get them that way (in Canada), since i'm too shy to go to any of the sex type shops around here by myself.  i used to go to those types of shops, but even then never alone.  And i was about 15 years younger.

     Where does all this desire come from?  Is it true that older women are in their sexual prime and when does that 'prime' end?  It doesn't seem to be waning even a little bit.  And i wonder if it's because we feel a biological clock ticking - mother nature urging us forward.  i also wonder if it isn't our insecurities of still being desirable to our mates.  

     A friend of ours had dinner with us last night.  At one point age was mentioned and i laughingly said 5 more years and i stop worrying about makeup and such so much.  i don't mean that i'll neglect myself of course - i guess i've got too much pride to just become slovenly.  But she responded with a "you never really stop, you know ..."  And further explained how we continue to worry about our mates finding some cute young thing - all the usual female worries that she knew i understood.

     And then Himself piped up and said it wasn't the cute young things that were really the worry.  It's the older, interesting women who are more interesting.  That gave me pause.  First, because i know i have what it takes to be older and interesting.  But second, because there are lots of us out there.  And what if He meets one of them?  What if He starts to think i'm dull?  

     So maybe that's also where some of this sexual desire comes from in older women.  Maybe it's a need for us to show that we are still sexual and sensual beings and can be a lot of fun, damnit!  

     Heh.  Rambling thoughts on a Saturday morning that is about to turn into a hectic Saturday afternoon.  i'm going to start scheduling appointments.  i swear it!

                

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