March 28,  2002

     i think the cold has finally let go it's grip on me.  At least i'm not feeling weak and dizzy anymore, which is always a good thing.  Everyone around me is snifflling and sneezing though.  When is spring getting here!?

      Work has been hectic as ever, plus i've just completed a two day course on a program that builds databases.  The formatting of the look of the report was pretty easy - basic stuff that i'm used to.  However, trying to figure out how to create formulas was more than a bit of a challenge.  For one part you need to use { these brackets.  For another part ( those brackets.  Fine.  So i do all that.  And then halfway through they decide we need [ these brackets instead.  Right.  So i ask why? The instructor says "... cause I said so ..."  to which i attempted to raise an eyebrow and replied; "that's not good enough."  i need to know how i'm supposed to figure out which instance needs which brackets.  He suggests taking the advanced course.  Uh huh.  

      It all began to remind me of when i was attempting to learn to speak French.  i could never get past the use of 'feminine' and 'masculine'.  Why does a door have to be a male or a female, i'd ask.  Why can't it just be a door.  Sexless.  (Last time i checked, doors didn't have the parts to start making their own little door-lings!)  And the answer, "cause that's how it is..." just never worked for me.  The concept eluded me.  i need to know 'why'.

     Ah well, i got through it even though, as the instructor was handing me a certificate, he gave me a dubious glance and a less than optimistic 'good luck.'

     Himself continues to put the day cuffs on me when i come home from work (as often as circumstances will allow) and i was able to indulge in the kneeling cushion in the kitchen again this week.  i love doing that... i love having the anticipation of working through my day, knowing that there will be a note of instructions for me, and a cozy time on the cushion, covered in a blanket and reading quietly, waiting.  And when He comes in, He usually grabs a chair and while dinner is cooking we chat.  It all feels 'centered'.  Complete might be a good word as well.

      He's been doing other yummy things as well, like using a knife on me while we make love, or the cane.  i love that.  i love when He holds me down and runs the sharp edge of the knife over all the parts of my body He wants.  my face, my lips, my nipples.  It's hard not to shiver.   i'd be hard pressed to decided which i liked better though, the knife or the sharp sting of the cane.  Or the fact that He's inside me.

     i think i'm going to go find Him .....

                

      Hint:  email

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