May 19,  2002

    So many things are happening so fast these days.  i'm going to list them as they come to my mind now.

     Himself was gone last weekend - which was good and bad.  Good because He had more work - bad because i didn't get to go.  And all my old insecurities about a friend of His out there resurfaced.  But there's a "past demon" about this person that apparently was still hovering in the back of my mind, and it surfaced.  We hashed it all out, and i made my feelings pretty clear - and like the last time it basically boils down to the necessity of keeping me informed so that i can save my pride.  Funny how we humans are.  

     Especially since, after all is said and done, i'm still contemplating the idea of bringing home someone for Himself to play with occasionally.  Someone who's compatible with us - and for now at least, not mindful of the fact that sex won't be involved.  Sensuality yes - nothing like the occasional orgasm on a flogger thing to re-energize a gal!  But not a roll-around-in-the-hay, live in type of situation.  

     i'm explaining this badly i think.  But He knows what i'm talking about (originally it was to be a surprise present for father's day) and understands.  And i'm not sure what it is that i would get out of  this.  Certainly a satisfaction that i'm pleasing Him is a big factor,  plus keeping the concepts of D/s even more alive in the house.  i don't know.  He's hinted over the years that He'd like to see me and another female get on together and have some sort of mix with the three of us, but He's never pushed it.  That's probably why now that i'm contemplating even just one evening as a gift, i'm not feeling pressured or threatened.  

     Ah well.  Time will tell if it all works out. We've got the new hooks on the beams to try out when it happens.

     Which brings me to the next topic.  A dominant friend of ours was over recently (with His lovely slave - whom i got to go out shopping with) and capped the top and bottom of the beams that decorate/support the staircase on the main floor, with bands of copper.  It looks absolutely perfect!  When He was finished, He attached two black iron rings to the inside of the two tallest posts - so that they were facing each other and voila!  Instant spot for some lucky masochist to be tied to.  

     By the time He'd finished more people had arrived and after a really good Jamaican dinner, nothing to do but we had to try out those beams!  Perfect.  We haven't had a chance to get back at them since, and we will have to find something decorative and narrow to hang from them during 'vanilla' moments since His daughter asked what they were there for, but Himself certainly has a few plans for them.  i am definitely looking forward to that!

Like this, only the fancy backing is square on ours instead.

     Another thing that happened was that the Dominant gifted Himself and i with a pair of really beautiful wrist cuffs that lock on.  Only Himself has the key.  They are designed in such a way that i can actually wear them on a full time basis without people wondering, as they look very artsy and very much in style with today's fashions.  People might raise their eyebrows when they see the lock however, and because of that i'm still shy about wearing them.  Although yesterday, Himself put them on me for the day and often i found myself forgetting they were even there.  It just felt natural to be wearing them.  And only the kid in the grocery store raised his eyebrows.  Heh.  

If i ever get a digital camera i'll take proper pics :)

     Himself has been a bit more assertive D/s wise since He returned.  Suddenly i'm finding that He's less tolerant of my flip answers and has raised His expectations of my behaviour again.  We'd started becoming a bit more casual about the rituals and that's part of what He's tightened up.  And i've gained "one stroke" for a negative body thing i let spill out of me the very first night He was back.  i didn't mean it as negative, but the fact that i even said it was enough.   

     But it's like revisiting an old friend.  Suddenly there's a sense of balance in the house again - at least for me.  It feels like there's someone to anchor me when my mind races way out into left field - which i know it does regularly, especially when i'm trying to maintain control in my job.  When i've spent a day making decisions because the VP has left a bunch of stuff up to me, it makes me anxious.  i enjoy the confidence placed upon me, but the day becomes a mix of them telling me what they want, and then expecting me to make the decisions on how it gets done.  It keeps me baffled.  And edgy.  

     When i come home, and Himself says; "... get changed - bring the cuffs..." my head goes back to a good spot.  i can allow the very underdeveloped, creative part of me out, and just relax.  And feel safe. 

     Perfect.

                

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