June 30,  2002

       Did i mention that we got air conditioning?  Thank gawd for that!  Summer has arrived with a vengeance in the city, causing everything to look hazy.  And for as long as i live here, i don't think i'll ever get over the view of the CN tower from where we live.  If we go just two roads over and look west, there it stands, nestled amongst all the other tall buildings, it's peak barely discernable in the shimmering heat.  The entire effect is that of looking like a mystical city far, far away.  Very bizarre.  

      Not much on the home front.  We are both stupidly busy - Himself is especially busy with casting calls for the play He's directing in the fall.  i think He's getting a bit nervous about the whole thing, but not nearly as nervous as the play-write.  Interestingly enough, Himself also has some ideas for His own plays to write, and i'm hoping He does it.  

      i'm actually on vacation this week, so i hope to get some painting time in.  At least that is my intention - i've got a few ideas that i'd like to do.  Yesterday i spent the entire time cleaning so that i wouldn't have the self imposed pressure of feeling like i should be doing it, instead of painting.  i even did all of the laundry!  i'm sure the week will go by too quickly in spite of all that however.

      There's lots of things happening right now.  my office location will be moving - which means a longer commute each day.  i'm not happy about that part, but i suppose i'll get used to it.  If i drive it won't be too bad, providing i miss the rush hour.  i'm considering asking Himself's brother to do a couple of test runs with me driving, since He also works in the area we will be moving too.  Plus He will hopefully stay calmer with me.  If i've learned nothing else in life, i've learned this rule: "Never take driving lessons with a parent or a partner."  Both times i've tried i've ended up crying - definitely not a good thing to be doing in the middle of the highway!

      i've still been on the never ending quest of  finding kinky pictures.  Problem is, when i find them i want to do what i see in the pics.  And with our schedules, it's just not happening.  Usually one of us is either not home, or sleeping.  It's kind of hard to convince a sleeping Master that the need to be tied to the bed and be objectified with things stuck in my orifices, needs to be met right now!  

      Is all this a direct reaction to my nearly 45 year old hormones?  Is it normal to enjoy cruising orgy sites or bondage sites?  Like this following site:

http://www.thralldom.org

      It's about torturing females.  All in cartoon format (pretty realistic though!) and i just find it fascinating.  Not because i want to be tortured - i don't embrace THAT level of pain - but it is the helpless objectification that really fascinates me.  i just plain like the idea of being tied up and my genitalia played with - and that's what this site suggests.  Well and i admit to being in awe of the talent of the artists.  Would that i could be so good someday.

      All this started right about the same time i went looking for nude bodies to draw and paint, using the google search engine.  Suddenly all this naked activity was popping up (tongue in cheek here) and i was hooked.  i think the fact that i'm running around in sundresses with no panties on, during the (theoretically) most sexual age of womanhood is part of the problem as well.  i crave being sexually aroused all the time - the idea of wearing something that would press on my clit all day both excites me and centers my thoughts on Himself.  

      Ah well, i'm off for a week so maybe there'll be a bit of time to fit in some kinkiness.  Maybe i should just tie most of me to the bed with a bunch of toys spread around and dinner resting on my tummy, when He gets home one day this week.  

      Knowing me, i'd probably start laughing :)

                

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