July 2,  2002

       Yummy time last night.  We had a great meal together, much socializing with each other and a few people on line - then next thing i know i'm tied to the bed.  Belly down.  Perfect :)

      i wore the leather wrist and ankle cuffs for a few hours before hand, which is something i love to do.  i had hoped to wear the locking cuffs all week actually, but asked for them off early yesterday as my skin was getting irritated.  i think the only way i'm going to get used wearing them for long periods of time is to wear them more often - and for longer durations.   However, waiting until the heat wave is over is probably a better idea as the cuffs are fairly snug.

      Having the air conditioning is proving to be a good thing for scenes.  Master didn't pull out the 'big guns' (all the larger noisier floggers) as it was after 11 p.m. and definitely would have woken the neighbours, but even just using the smaller, stingy toys was a good workout - and nobody had to sweat through it!  The room was a nice balance of being warm enough and comfortably cool, all at the same time.  And i turfed all 'ick' thoughts about my body being exposed straight out of my mind.  In fact, in spite my body being far from "fit", i seem to be enjoying it more these days.  Probably because i'm perpetually horny.  

      i loved every second of last night.  i recognized some of the toys being used - not by sight, but rather by the level of sting.  Himself seems to embrace the stronger sensations - i'm positive "sting is gooood" is His new motto.  Being tied to the bed and unable to get away from Him and the toys put my head in a very good place.  i love that feeling of helplessness, and i love how turned on i get knowing that my legs are spread and everything is in plain view and accessible.  i often wonder why i like that - but it seems as though if i'm "forced" to be exposed, then my inhibitions have no choice but to be gone.  Freud would have a party with my mind :)

      The painting continues.  i did another small one today - but it hasn't turned out even remotely the way i wanted it to.  It's interesting - but not great - and no matter what, the background is not working.  To the point that i've probably got too much paint on the canvas.  i need lessons!  But at least i'm sticking to it, which is more than i've done with other ideas in the past.  In the morning i intend to scrape off some of the paint and try a new idea.  But i wonder if that's what art is all about - having a vision and then altering it as the paint dictates?  Or maybe just not being rigid to the vision.

      Baffled-ness reigns supreme.

                

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