October 6,  2002

        Life is getting back to normal.  Himself's play officially opened on Friday night, which means the bulk of his "duties" are now done.  We got all dressed up and attended of course - He looks so good in a suit! And after the show there was much congratulating and huge smiles everywhere.  Rightfully so - they've worked hard and it shows.  Lord knows if the critics will notice that - but i figure any play that can have me in tears, while chuckling at the same time, is well done, well acted and well directed.

      i'm just an emotional mush-bucket of proud-ness right now :-)

      i've had a few people ask me if Himself has put me on the stage of any of his productions. (theory being that i sleep with the director, ergo...) And one older fellow at the opening asked me if i'd played a specific part in a specific play he'd seen.  That was bizarre. 'Course i was asked once before if i'd been in a porn movie.  Not!  Last night Himself and i were talking about this, and i said to him that i didn't have the looks or the voice for the stage.  He gave me "the look" to which i quickly responded .."okay.. the looks.  But definitely not the voice!"  

      He had to concede on that point.  my voice is unfortunately very high toned and comes directly from my throat rather than further down from the diaphragm.  i also can't project it at all.  This can get frustrating when out in large gatherings of people since it results in me standing quietly listening because i'm totally unable to share an opinion unless i try to holler.  And i don't like doing that - seems classless to me.  On the upside i sure learn a lot about people via the listening.  So it's not all bad.

      Just once though, i'd love to be able to sing a song and enjoy the experience.  When i'm alone i'll dare to sing along with the radio or a cd, but never in front of someone else.  And the crazy part is, i like to sing.  It's just not a friendly thing for me to do to other people.  my own children used to cringe!  Ah well, i can be a diva in my mind anyway. 

      We met up with a friend at our local coffee shop yesterday.  That was fun as we hadn't seen her in quite awhile.  She's also a very good artist, so i found myself grateful that she called to invite us out - rather than stopping in, 'cause her coming in would have  meant she'd see my wee paintings first hand.  Even though i've got them downstairs where i can look at them, it intimidated me that a bonafide artist would get close enough to critique.  It all gets even more convoluted in my head as i'm more than aware that she's seen the paintings via this journal.  And in fact she complimented me.  She also offered to help where she could, once we discussed the fact that the oil painting class i'd hoped to go to has been cancelled.  That was very sweet of her :-)

      On our way to the coffee shop one of Himself's friends stopped us.  Turns out she moved into a house a few doors away from us just last week!  Bonus.  She's a friendly female face who's close to my age, and who's an actor as well.  Totally fits in with what Himself and i are all about - although i can't imagine we'll be sharing the info about the lifestyle with her.  i'm of the impression that she would more likely embrace the "women's rights" credo.

     So now that life is getting back to some sort of normalcy, Himself and i were able to have a nice dinner together last night.  And back to sitting at the table having discussions.  It was all very good.

     i brought up the topic of some of the things i like to do, and how i want to stay more focused.  Not be so much of the dabbler that He's suggested i am.  Turns out i was totally wrong in how He meant the word "dabbler".  When He first said it to me, i thought He meant it in a bad way - that i was not dedicated and committed to the things i do (or try to do.)  i was wrong.

      He actually called Himself a dabbler as well.  And what He meant was that being a dabbler keeps the mind open and willing to be more explorative.  It means constantly seeking knowledge and not being afraid to try new things.  

      Well!  Now that put a whole new light on things.  Suddenly i felt perfectly validated.  Knowing that He was accepting of me taking little twists and turns in my quest to be creative and more knowledgeable rather than seeing the quest as an inability to be consistent and dedicated, has resulted in the proverbial weight lifted from my shoulders.  

      i guess this is another way that our D/s manifests itself.  i know many people who would not need to be validated by another's opinions.  But i do - it's how i work best.  i need His approval, and His encouragement.  i care what He thinks.  

      And while i suggest that it's our D/s at work, it probably could be argued that it's how our love works as well.  But i won't argue either way - it's just good. 

      Perfect.    

 

      Hint:  email

Note:  pics below are clickable for navigation