March
8, 2003
Well i did have a good post here today. One that was
a lot of fun to write actually - and i've managed to blow
it up. Drat.
It's my own fault though. i should have been more
careful. Anyway, i can't rewrite it again - but the
general idea was the cat and i sharing an adventure this
morning. That adventure involved me, him and a
couple of mice. Suffice to say, between the two of
us, there are less mice in the world today. Hey, i
think we make a pretty good team!
So after the adventure, i decided to write the entry -
which evolved into altering the look of this site as
well. i think i like it. i haven't made as
many radical changes as i used to in the past, but that's
probably because i really like the "hands"
graphics and these colours.
During some of the "tweaking", i lost the
entry. Not before Himself had a chance to read it at
least - i would have been even more annoyed if He hadn't
had a chance to see it!
i intend to keep my quotes - especially the two that are
always in these entries (bottom of page now, and one at
the bottom of the sidebar.) Both have been
inspirational to me - admitting i'll never reach
perfection has allowed me to try even harder, if that
makes any sense. i guess some would say ".. if
i can't reach perfection then why bother
trying..." But for me, admitting i won't reach
perfection has finally allowed me to be imperfect.
Accepting that fact has allowed me to explore and at least
try new things, knowing all the while that i can push to
excel if i choose to, but it's the exploration that is
important. Not always the end result. i'm
having tons more fun now that i've allowed myself to be
not perfect. And when things turn out successfully -
be it a piece of art, or a well put together outfit - i
find much more pleasure in the small triumphs.
The other quote helps me out a lot when i'm exploring
other journals. i often think other writers are
funnier, or more interesting ... or more sexually steamy,
than i am. But one day i took a good hard look at my
browser's favourites list, and thought about which of the
links i visited the most. i discovered the journals
i liked best were the "real" people. They
were the people who didn't always depend on steamy scenes
to capture attention - they didn't have paragraph after
paragraph of bump and grind. i mean sure, i
occasionally allude to the intimacy around here *s* ...
but how many ways can you *really* suck a ..... oh never
mind, you get the idea. Sure there's more than a few
ways, but reading about it over and over gets a tad
tedious. At least for me.
i discovered that my list of favourite journals didn't
include the cheeky one-liners of humour, or the constant
rants either. Nor a lot of political or religious
fervor. i can debate those things in my own head
often enough and i really can't stand sanctimonious opines
when the majority of us haven't a clue what it's *really*
like to be a politician. i won't say they are wrong
for having their opinions however - they are entitled to
them after all, and there's a lot going on in this world
making me a little hinky these days as well.
What i did discover today was a nice tidy list of real
people type journalists. The people who weren't
afraid to talk about their love life and their kids all in
one breath. People with new babies, a doctor
who describes his emotional pain when talking to someone
who is going to die - a journalist who plays bridge with
old people and likes purple rope. Another who's
considering leaving her husband, and one more who's been
with her husband forever. And found a way to create
a D/s relationship from that. And another submissive
who lives by herself and sounds lonely sometimes.
Real people. People who don't write for
attention. Or for an audience. They write for
themselves. Perfect.
As i was reworking the design today i questioned my own
motives for continuing to write here. And i can
honestly say - i'm doing this for me. But for an
audience as well. An audience of one, and that's
Himself. i think this journal has helped both of us
keep a barometer on our relationship - helped me work
through all the changes that have happened to me in the
past 5 years - and helped Him to help both of us.
And given that we are both huge computer/internet buffs,
having the journal online is convenient.
i admit receiving comments from people who actually read
my words, is often a surprise and always a pleasure.
It makes me feel good to know that something i said might
have touched them in someway - helped them even. But
i'm always startled - i always forget that someone other
than Himself is actually reading any of this.
So i guess in the grand scheme of things, as the quote
goes - "... better to write for yourself..." is
applicable to me. i'm cool with that :-)
