April 4,  2003

      Mother Nature has decided to get down right nasty.  We are having a major ice storm everywhere and Himself is out in it as i write this. i can only hope His work doesn't keep Him very late - i won't rest until He's back and safe.

     So i've been sitting here feeling slightly sorry for myself.  People baffle me, work exhausts me, the weather stinks and my kids are off having their own lives.  The office is a disaster - the guest room is worse (and that's my mess all alone) yet i don't have the energy to clean any of it up.  i brought home a bag of work so large i could barely carry it.  And it's the weekend.  Blech.  At one point today i got so overwhelmed i was in tears.

     Then i received a journal link from a Canadian friend who lives in the States.  His wife, a civilian supporting the military, has been flown to a part of the world that is in a turmoil we can only imagine.   And while i'm crawling into bed to snuggle against Himself tonight, my friend will be comforting his wife's young son - keeping his worry to himself as he prays that she will make it back to them. 

     When she does return, will she still be whole?  i don't refer to physical - i wonder how she will be emotionally.  How will what she sees affect her?  Will the pride of defending a country she was born to and believes in be enough to sustain her through the reality of war?  i can only whisper her name and wish her well.  i wonder if she knows how many people are proud of her determination right now.

     i could go on - but i think there are enough trite phrases and platitudes about the war.  None of them change the reality of what is happening.  It doesn't stop the reality of sons and daughters of all races and religions dying.  Be it from the war, or from the events that led to the inevitability thereof.  Neither, in my view, are right.  i question the necessity yet understand the perceived need.  None of it feels very good.

     And so, as i read my friend's journal and thought about all these things much bigger than me, much bigger than my tiny piece of the world, i could only feel embarrassed by my egocentricity.   i thought of all the people that were focused only on themselves today - on things that displeased them, or annoyed them - and realized not only was i the recipient of the underserved angst, i had spread some of my own.  And what was accomplished from all of that?

     So i'm glad i received the journal link from my friend.  i'm glad he is sharing his words and that by doing so has reminded me to give myself a gentle slap on the wrist - a mental shake to get real and get over myself.  Maybe we all ought to do that once in awhile.  Life's a lot bigger than us.