August
9, 2003
So i've started another story, as well as the one i'm
writing with my friend. (who i'm going to have to
hunt down soon - i just realized she hasn't sent me her
update!)
This new story is going a bit slower, but is based on an
older woman who's about to celebrate her birthday, and
while acknowledging that her body is aging, also shares
the fact that her desires and her fantasies aren't aging
at all.
Gee, considering that it's my b'day tomorrow - i wonder
who this could be about?! Heh.
Here's a brief excerpt - although the story keeps
changing, so lord only knows if this part will stay in, or
get turfed out:
"And yet, my
desires – my physical desires – do not wane while my
body follows nature’s path.
I still crave the touch of a hard hand against my
breast and a gentle tongue flickering softly over the
tender folds of the lips between my legs.
I still have fantasies.
Dare I describe them?
Should I wrap words around the deepest cravings of
my soul – the desires that I carry with me in this less
than perfect body of mine?
If I share these desires – put voice to them –
can I then hope that they will be satisfied; that I will
wake up sated and purring like a kitten, round belly
filled with decadence?"
So, now i'm reading this and wondering if i should
make more changes. After that last paragraph, things do
start to get a lot more descriptive.
This story could end up taking awhile. i wonder if i
can talk Himself into a bit of research?
:-)
i've been thinking about the quote from the previous
entry: "There
are two ways of meeting difficulties. You alter
the difficulties or you alter yourself to meet
them"
--Phyllis Bottome
i think most of us spend our time trying to alter the
difficulty. Like for example, having less play time
here. To try to address that, we've tried setting
aside one night per week for D/s. i started off the
first one, by making Him a special dinner, and wearing a
kimono, and etc., and it was a wonderful evening.
But we haven't done one since. Not that we haven't
had more wonderful evenings together - we have lots of
those, and the occasional play, but not the consistent,
get-in-the-habit and do it, regular D/s nights.
And i'm not pointing fingers. i believe it's a
shared thing that has happened as life got in the way -
kids, work, and the familiarity of living together for
four years. Most of which has been pretty smooth
sailing. But some of the small things are starting
to get ignored. As i'm typing this i suddenly
remembered something that occurred just this morning, that
underlines the familiarity thing. i make the tea in
the morning, and put a cup beside the bed for Him.
Well i did that very thing today, but placed the cup down
with only one hand. i'm supposed to serve
two-handed. He didn't notice - because He was
reading. Which also meant that He didn't grace me
with His usual 'thank you'.
So neither of us are bothering to notice. And i
think that's a bad thing.
Anyway, back to the original thoughts about the
quote. So we've tried (or i have anyway) to alter
the difficulties. And it doesn't seem to work.
So how then, to alter myself to meet them?
Do i not worry about D/s anymore? Slot it as a phase
in life that is past? i'm reluctant to think that
way, and quite frankly, considering the positive effects
that it has had on me (my job, for example) i don't think
i should stray too far from it.
It's easy to concentrate on all the good things - there
are lots of them - so that's another way to
"alter" myself. And that morning that
Himself put His back out, i was all set to display all the
toys around the bedroom. So just getting brave and
asking, would be another way of altering myself. Get
the toys out again, now that He's starting to mend.
But when does it become crossing the line, topping from
the bottom?
And when does the altering become all one-sided?
