January 3,  2004

      Well exploring the Cunning Linguist webring has been an eye opener.  Whew! Do those people tell all!  i said to Himself that maybe i should be taking webcam shots of my breasts or something, just to keep up. Heh.  That would still be pretty tame though, so i probably won't bother.  i do remember visiting a website in the past, that only had a few words, and a daily photo of one of her body parts - done in a very artful, and tasteful, way.  i loved it.  It was sensual rather than sexual, and that, in my opinion anyway, is much more interesting.

      Things are getting pretty heated on a mailing list i frequent.  Even Himself is joining in on the discussion - and the biggest topic contender seems to be who has the control in a D/s relationship.  One woman is determined to answer each and every post put forth with very long and drawn out responses - which makes me wonder just how much thought is put into the responses, or are they just knee jerk reactions - and the responses are just learned rote.  It also makes me wonder where all this supposed learning comes from, as to date, there's been no indication except for her signature, that she even practices the lifestyle beyond cyber.  Hmm.  

      i remember being in that "sub has the control" state - i think it lasted all of about two weeks - and was in fact long before Himself entered the picture.  Then reality hit.  MM and i were discussing it a bit yesterday (during our shopping trip that has now made me considerably poorer but better dressed *g*)  She suggested that the submissive might in fact have the control because he/she offers the leash to the Master/Mistress.  i didn't agree.

      In my case, i asked (begged) for Himself's collar (the only leash floating around this house is the one that HE owns and treats me to occasionally).  And before He would grant it to me, i had to prove myself worthy.  Not only did i have to complete my training, but i had to come up with some damn good reasons why i should wear His collar.  And when i presented my case and proved my worth, i still did not receive the collar.  The timing of receipt - if ever - was entirely up to Him.  And it didn't arrive for many, many months after.

      i'm thinking that firmly maintains His control.  Yes, the act of proving worthiness was my decision to offer Him control of me, and to some this is what they base their argument on when they say the submissive maintains the control in a D/s relationship.  However, He had the choice to accept or not accept me - and to take on the weight of His decision if He did choose to accept me.   i could no more force Him to accept, than i can change the colour of the moon.  

      i think it's important to qualify that my thoughts are strictly on the psychological aspects of my own relationship.  i don't consider me willingly getting up on a cross and Him willingly flogging my butt, as part of this discussion.  It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that we are about to have some shared playtime and we're both very happy with that.  

     i do think that ultimately, He's the one in control of the relationship.  The day He told me to "prove myself worthy" was the day it was made very clear to both of us "how life would be with Himself."  i chose to accept that - because i had no choice - it was take it or leave it.  One might opine that i had control in that moment - and in a sense they would be right.  But i only had control over my own destiny - not control over "ours."  He had that control.

     It was the epitome of my word of the day:

Hobson's choice \HOB-suhnz-CHOIS\, noun

A choice without an alternative; the thing offered or nothing.

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      And now for something really exciting!  A little bit of early morning hand porn.  *eg*