January
4(a), 2004
Lazy day. i didn't get showered and dressed until
after noon, then had a lazy brunch and a few hours of
slapping some paint around on a canvas. And the
canvas doesn't look like much yet - i hate the results of
the "blocking in" stage of a painting. Now
that i've figured out that i have to go past the
underpainting and so should not put tons of detail - the
beginning efforts always look pretty awful to
me. And then i spend a bunch of anxious time
wondering if it's going to turn out at all. Ouch to
learning curves.
i've been having some pretty erotic dreams lately.
Most of them have centered around Himself (go figure) and
us scening. This is usually a good indicator that we
haven't scened lately - when we have a dry spell, my body
starts to crave it, and that gets reflected in my
dreams. i'm pretty much the same way when when it
comes to sex. If we've had a tired time or been
apart, i often will wake up in the middle of the night, in
the middle of what i call a "mini" orgasm -
without touching myself. That always startles
me. i thought it was only guys who could do that!
Aren't i supposed to be losing interest in some of this
stuff - now that i'm getting older? It seems like,
even though i'm more body conscious these days (i fear that
part of my personality is hard-wired to stay), i am
getting more frisky! i think i'm beginning to
understand why women get a bit touchy and maybe bitter at
my age and beyond. We are still interested in being
hot-blooded women - and society is only revering the hot
young female bodies! What's up with that?
Makes me grumpy to think about it. Sometimes, when
i'm out in malls and such - i look around at the men and i
wonder "What if i were alone now? Who would
bother with me?" And i don't mean this as a put
down on myself - when i ask those questions, it's with a
slightly detached curiosity. Given the current state
of things (ie society placing so much emphasis on skinny,
fit, young) it's almost natural now for a man of say my
age group, to be more interested in someone 15 years
younger than i am. Yes, they are going to age too,
but they haven't "yet" and our society has
placed a ton of importance on "eye
candy".
Thankfully there are still people out
there who value minds and personalities above all else -
they see past the widening hips and tummies, the thinning
hair and varicose veins. But statistics have proven
over and over that women of a certain age (*g* me) have
much lower odds of finding a partner easily.
What that means is that while i might still be eye-candy
for a few, there won't be many. And that's just
sad. Not for me - but for women everywhere.
Heh. Listening to me right now you'd swear i'm
80. Not yet baby - i've got a lot of good years
yet!
:-)
