(The following thoughts were notes for a talk.  A number of the opinions are not fully expanded and described here.  These notes were intended as ‘jumping-off’ points only.)

Usually when the word traditionalist is uttered the next words that come out are Old Guard or Old Leather. Well I am neither Old Leather nor Pleathor, but somewhere on the line of Worn Leather.

What I would like to talk about is what I call the 5 Odes of BDSM that, succinctly put, is how this lifestyle has evolved in the last 10 – 15 years.

It seemed deceptively simple in the beginning, and I say deceptively, since this is all quite a complex interaction. Why I ever thought that a relationship based on one or more people would ever be simple was probably a good example of my own naiveté.  Be that as it may, I would like to talk about how BDSM was when I first entered into things and how things have evolved to what I see today. 

So it was simple right? If you were of the Dominant persuasion you went to the one or two fet nights a month. Met people, got known in the scene, made sure that you always had a flogger or two on your hip and you got to tie up people and beat on them. Sometimes you even got to dance a bit as well. Who knew that the de rigueur flogger would become a point of derision much like Afro’s or dashikis? 

But there were a few of us who came in with a different aesthetic. We strove to have a hierarchical structure whereby we could base our lives. In looking back I suppose it seems like there was always that level of structure, but in fact it was just a smallish number of people who really wanted to live in what I call the: 

1st Ode of BDSM 

Bondage - Tying people up in generally painful ways [implying the knowledge of how to do this safely and taking the time to learn the craft]

Discipline - Implying right and wrong behaviour in a hierarchical setting by which transgressions would be punished

Sadism - The giving of pain for the pleasure of the sadist

Masochism - the receiving of pain for the pleasure of the masochist 

In a sense this seemed fairly simple. However … 

Bondage - How to attain that knowledge.  We had to find a mentor of some sort and also do one’s own exploration. Seminars weren’t readily available; you had to seek out people, gain their trust, and study hard because, even as a submissive is an outward example of their dominant, so were you as a student an outward example of your mentor. So knowledge had to be earned. 

Discipline – Learn the setting up of a workable structure of right and wrong. Learn about penalties for wrong-doing. For example, how the Catholic Church has it down pat and that the process of confession, penance and absolution gives a path where both D and s can travel together and move on. I have never felt that just expressing disappointment alone is enough. Yes, it is a powerful thing but if it doesn’t allow a full measure of accepted absolution it leaves unfinished business behind.  How many times have I heard a submissive say that they got punished but didn’t really understand why? Without that understanding, discipline can become just something arbitrary and that to my mind is not good territory.  

Sadism – Masochism - Well what can one say?  For any number of people it really IS about the pain.  Granted it is not necessarily the be all and end all, but most of the people that came into the scene when I did, pretty much loved the idea of communication through pain. Unfortunately much of what transpires today is not communication at all, but just percussion. Scenes where mental intimacy communicates itself through pain are usually the scenes that people either get fascinated by or squicked by. Intimacy will do that, since it is raw and unexpected. 

2nd Ode of BDSM 

BDSM = B D D/S SM 

Ok, we can keep the bondage and the discipline part, but did you notice that cunningly we can double up on the DS and say that it represents Domination and Submission, which can lead to the holy grail of TPE (Total Power Exchange). 

Ah yes - the influx of the concept of DS from the initials. At the time it seemed like a solid evolution.  Especially since the goal was towards a TPE. It seemed like a complimentary path, as TPE was a goal that fit into all the other dearly held beliefs. The idea that TPE was desirable and accessible, led people into allowing this variation to grow and take root. I think that it was a bit of a stalking horse since before you knew it there was a bait and switch, and TPE seems to have vanished like a mirage in the Sahara. 

It moved us to the:  

3rd Ode of BDSM 

B D/S SM 

The most curious thing began to happen. Things (protocols) that were previously considered core began to be placed on the sidelines. More and more I began to hear things like  “I don’t have to call anyone Sir/Ma’am etc., since I only say those things to people who have earned my respect.”  

Suddenly a level of formality and politeness got the ‘get out of jail free card’, of not being about politeness at all, but about respect.  And I do not put this all on submissives either, since I also began to see an appalling breach of manners from dominants. Where was the requesting of permission to speak to a submissive?  What I thought of as basic manners – such as two-handed serves, were neither proffered nor expected. And in fact when proffered by a submissive, those things were ignored and not given the value they deserved. 

A curious defiance began to appear, along with dominants who encouraged it. Being insolent was considered some kind of virtue and more and more the brag was heard that “one was hard to tame “etc. It didn’t seem to occur very often, that dominants would know they could expect a submissive to actually have control over his or her self, before offering up anything to the dominant. 

To be absolutely fair, these breaches exacerbated things away from any kind of worn leather, and it was on the heads of both dominants and submissives. And without a structure that both sides can hold on to, there will be anarchy. 

Bondage was still ok but became all about that Japanese variant where you make all the pretty patterns.  

Discipline was out since all that hierarchical stuff was just not relevant anymore.           

            Who gives one person the right to decide for me?

            Who says that I am wrong in the first place? 

Sound familiar? Discipline is usually one of the first things to go, as it is the hardest attitude to maintain, as a relationship progresses. It’s always easier when the dominant is in some kind of position of godlike respect, but as the clay feet get exposed it gets to be a bit of a struggle without diligence on both parts. 

And did you notice that both the D and the S are capitalized? So what is really being said is that you can safely have a fully realized D/S relationship without anyone being in control. Well, actually the submissive is in control since they have the right to stop anything, any time, and it's all about equality in the relationship. And besides, D/S is what we decide it really is for us, about us and by us.  

Sadism and Masochism is on the outs, since no one is really into pain. But when did pain become a bad word in this lifestyle? If you are into pain, then you are a pain slut or brutal, and those have become "not nice things," The words Sadism and Masochism do crop up from time to time, but usually as a scare tactic a la ‘the boogy man’, or in the phrase; "I'm not a sadist. I could never hurt someone I care about. I am only here to nurture" 

The 4th Ode of BDSM 

B D/S SM 

Bondage as Art is in. 

D/S as a non-hierarchical lifestyle is in. 

Sadism and Masochism are out, and with the advent of the full maturation of Screw the Roses philosophies SM begins to mean more about Sexual Magic than Sadism and Masochism.

STR has a lot to answer for, in my opinion. It sanctified the concepts of BDSM being more about sex than anything else. Now no one, including myself, has a problem with sex. And it is quite true the sex tied to BDSM is truly a potent and powerful physical and psychological addiction. It also has some dangers that I think get overlooked. Becoming jaded to the extent that one turns into a sensation junkie is one possible danger. Or just becoming disinterested is another. Like any addictive substance or activity it is always prudent to call for restraint, but we all know how hard that can be when the fact of multiple orgasms are just around the corner. So the attractive image of monk-cowled Dominants doing mystical magical things with just a touch of the forbidden has now become the ideal. 

And finally, the 5th Ode of BDSM 

Evolution in Progress. 

Now, you don’t have to be into pain or humiliation, etc., to be in the lifestyle. But I believe that as things evolve so to should the terms of description. Nothing aggravates me more than hearing someone who espouses nothing that I believe in, cheerfully telling me that “that” is what BDSM means.  

Well no, it doesn’t. It means what it means and what is common and accepted these days is {insert adjective here} BDSM. I don’t mean that in a derogatory way - just as a point of clarification. At least if I know that you are into CFES-BDSM  (consensual focus erotic specific BDSM) than I can pretty much know that we are not going to be compatible for much, unless we like the same books. 

So I lay wakeful one night, and my thoughts turned to a female dominant friend.  Why you may well ask? Well I must say that I try to keep a private betting scheme, by which I place a secret wager to see how long it is before she mentions some truly horrific abuse to male genitalia. And so while thinking of genital abuse the term "to gentle" came to mind. If I recall correctly this was a euphemism for gelding. And I wonder if the current philosophical system that is en vogue in the lifestyle is "gentling" people as they come in.  

Seville 

The only freedom of expression provided by a tyranny of blandness - is the freedom to agree. – Lady Nichola